THE DAILY CRAP

This is an ad by the following company who gave me lots of money:
THE DAILY CRAP NEWSPAPER

THE DAILY CRAP WANTS YOU (TO DIE)
We need creative minds to invent crap for THE DAILY CRAP.
The following positions are availible:
-CEO
-24/7 Cleaner
-Editor
-Window cleaner
-Correspondents
-Featured Journalists
Other Criteria:
-Must get ready for pay cuts (to -$3000000)
-Must be willing to self-sacrifice for company
-Must be chewable by crocodiles (we will test!)
-Cannot think logically
-Must know that retrenchment is imminent if you fail to bring the boss coffee in time.
-Must obey master(boss)
-Must be loyal (We like expendable fools)
There are other hidden criteria, good luck in guessing.
To sign up,
call 999 or 995. Before police arrest you, you will be bundled into a black limo
and taken to our island HQ.(Note that the black limo isn't really black, let alone a limo.)   
OR
Go to thedailycrapnewspaper.blogspot.com
The second option has lesser chance of hiring, but is safer.
YOU CHOOSE.
By reading this text, you are subjected to choose one of the options.
Failure to do so will result in assasination by ninjas hanging from your windowsill and snipers in the house right now.
DO IT NOW!
FNORD.